I 💖 Swingers

I’m grateful for swingers.

More on that in a minute. Let’s talk about a Bible passage I used to hate.

Matthew 25:14-30 (NLT)

¹⁴ Again, the Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a man going on a long trip. He called together his servants and entrusted his money to them while he was gone. ¹⁵ He gave five bags of silver[a] to one, two bags of silver to another, and one bag of silver to the last—dividing it in proportion to their abilities. He then left on his trip.

¹⁶ The servant who received the five bags of silver began to invest the money and earned five more. ¹⁷ The servant with two bags of silver also went to work and earned two more. ¹⁸ But the servant who received the one bag of silver dug a hole in the ground and hid the master’s money.

¹⁹ After a long time their master returned from his trip and called them to give an account of how they had used his money. ²⁰ The servant to whom he had entrusted the five bags of silver came forward with five more and said, ‘Master, you gave me five bags of silver to invest, and I have earned five more.’

²¹ The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’

²² The servant who had received the two bags of silver came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two bags of silver to invest, and I have earned two more.’

²³ The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’

²⁴ Then the servant with the one bag of silver came and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a harsh man, harvesting crops you didn’t plant and gathering crops you didn’t cultivate. I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it in the earth. Look, here is your money back.’

²⁶ But the master replied, ‘You wicked and lazy servant! If you knew I harvested crops I didn’t plant and gathered crops I didn’t cultivate, ²⁷ why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? At least I could have gotten some interest on it.’

²⁸ Then he ordered, ‘Take the money from this servant, and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. ²⁹ To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away. ³⁰ Now throw this useless servant into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

I used to read that and think “Dang, God. HARSH.” Was God sending people to Hell for squandering their talents?

I don’t think it’s about that anymore.

I think the passage is actually about how powerful we are. The servants in the story created their experience of God based on what they believed about God.

What if we get to do that?

What if God is that complex?

What if we are partnered with a complex God to create whatever reality we wish to experience?

Do I want a life that feels like God is mad at me? I mean, if I do, I can create that.

And I did.

Do I want a life that feels like God loves me unconditionally? That’s available to me, too.

What does all this have to do with swingers?

Well, I used to hold an embodied belief that I was hopelessly unf*ckable. Mind you, I was and am a very sexual person. And a very non-monogamous person. But I had a deep, painful conviction that I was undesirable.

Unattractive.

Unf*ckable.

I created experiences that reinforced that belief. I interpreted my life through that lens. I insisted I was a helpless victim to this strange curse that hovered over me like a banner.

And it hurt.

It ached.

It sucked.

And not in a good way.

I couldn’t see it then, but looking back, God loved me and cared about this emotional wound, my unf*ckable belief. I'm still working on it, but over the years, my healing has come in layers and in many ways.

Ways that include my experiences with swingers. I’ll just share one story here.

Many, many years ago, I started to go to two local swingers clubs here in Nashville. Both had a dance floor downstairs. Usually, after hours of dancing, people went upstairs to have sex.

Well, I was there with a date, both of us people-watching. For hours, lots of people packed the dance floor. Then a woman entered the club. She wore a sailor mini dress, white with blue and red trim, and a bow at the collar. In a crowd of at least a hundred people, I immediately noticed her.

I now understand that, in that moment, I was feeling energy. A soul contract. The hand of God at work.

I was supposed to meet her.

As the dance floor cleared and people went upstairs, my date and I followed to watch. A line formed outside one of the rooms, so my date and I moved into it to see what was happening.

Sailor girl lay on a bed, naked, her legs spread open. One by one, man after man stepped up, put on a condom, and f*cked her. Others stepped up beside her head, and she sucked them.

My date encouraged me to get in line, but I wouldn’t. On a subconscious level, my body clung to the story that this experience wasn’t for me.

That I was unf*ckable.

After we watched dozens of men have sex with her, we went back downstairs. It was almost empty. Most everyone remained upstairs.

I sat, looking at the dance floor. It looked how I felt. Empty. Surrounded by all this sexual energy, but a deeper ache that I didn’t belong in it.

That I was unworthy to be there.

But then, sailor girl appeared, wearing her little dress. My date went over to her. I saw her leaning into sailor girl’s ears, talking and pointing at me.

And they came over.

I am tearful just remembering it. God was coming for me through that woman. Through both of them.

My date sat next to me, and sailor girl knelt in front of me. She reached for my shorts, unfastened them, and pulled my penis out.

What happened next was more than a blow job.

It was a divine encounter.

Sailor girl caressed me. Savored me. And held me in one hand while her other hand rested on my date’s knee.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

And I don’t know sailor girl’s name. I’ve never seen her again. But she was a vessel of something powerful. A peeling back of a layer. A peek into another possibility.

That maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t so unf*ckable. Maybe I wasn’t meant to be thrown outside, weeping and gnashing my teeth.

Maybe God had more for me.

I just had to open my heart to see it. To see God loving me through a swinger. Instead of God damning me with an unf*ckable curse.

Swingers continue to show me a different view of the world. To give me reasons to open my heart.

I’ve had two on my podcast so far, and I just released one of those episodes. Interestingly, my guest, Zoey, shared how her experience in that world healed her emotional wounds, too.

Sex that brings healing.

Now, I see that maybe, must maybe, it can be like that.

Maybe there’s more for us.

I'm not really a swinger. And you may not be one, either. But could you learn from one? I continue to witness healing power in their world. I encourage you to take a look. You might just glimpse God there.

Here’s Zoey’s interview: https://podcast.morganhalebook...